“Hopes & Fears”
This self-portrait illustrates my Hopes for successful cancer treatments & my Fears of mortality. I fear losing my future. Chemotherapy kills all sorts of cells in me, even cells I like. The radiation burns my cancer away, as well as everything in its path. The background is a spiritual starry sky; the hair evolves into flames. acrylic on canvas
“Trust”
33 times I was imprisoned in a mask that was locked onto a radiation table to hopefully burn my cancer away. Terrified, I had to rely on Trust. Trust in science. Trust in my doctors. Trust in my ability to just breathe. Utilizing my Radiation Mask as a supportive structure, I suspended 33 pairs of Burgundy & Ivory ribbons (the colors for Head & Neck cancer) with 33 bells. (To celebrate the completion of cancer treatments, patients can ring a Victory Bell. My first impression was that’s silly. However, as days & weeks passed, & my physical health deteriorated, I couldn’t wait for my turn to ring the bell. For “Trust,” I chose bells which were hammered & burnt, replicating how I felt).
“Soul”
This painting is a cross in the form of a dove & a stylized self-portrait figure. The dove rises to a spiritual light from a darkness below. Hands represent the people in my life, past & future (my husband’s handprints are included). My waking thoughts were consumed my treatments & tortures, my hopes & sorrows, my life & spirituality. Ultimately, I survived; other friends have not. Where are their Souls now? Do I have a Soul?
“Love & Support”
The kindness of others was paramount to my mental health. Collaged into a heart shape are joyful images of the colorful cards, flowers, gifts, self-portrait pictures that friends drew for me, as well as photos of those people who sent their love & support to me. In contrast, the black & white background are pages of my daily journal which describe my experience with cancer treatments and recovery.
“Life & Death”
I struggled with my place on the timeline of life. Flowers are a wonderful symbol of love, & their beauty brings joy. But they also exemplify the life cycle; they blossom, wilt, & die. Unfortunately, wilting & dying were exactly how I felt. I hoped that my life wouldn’t follow this metaphor so quickly.
“Thank You”
Utilizing the cards that I received, I wanted to create a loving & joyful Thank You to celebrate the kindness of my friends & family. I cannot adequately express the significance of love & friendship. While my physical health deteriorated & depression permeated my thoughts, the love & support of friends & family held me up & gave me strength.
“Fight Cancer” – Tie a Knot. Ring the Bell
In 2020, 1.6 million cases of cancer were reported in the US, & over 600,000 people died. I am amazed at the number of people who have been touched by cancer at some point in their lives. To illustrate this, I decorated a wire mannequin with a rainbow of cascading ribbons that represent various cancers (see the chart). Visitors are encouraged to tie a knot in a corresponding ribbon to commemorate themselves or someone they know. Cancer Survivors, please ring the bell to celebrate life with me.
“Victory Journey”
You are welcome to flip through my journal! Blank pages are provided for visitors to share their thoughts. Due to throat cancer & my limited ability to speak, I shared a weekly journal with friends & family throughout my treatment via email & Facebook.