“Hopes & Fears”
This self-portrait illustrates my Hopes for successful cancer treatments & my Fears of mortality. I fear losing my future. Chemotherapy kills all sorts of cells in me, even cells I like. The radiation burns my cancer away, as well as everything in its path. The background is a spiritual starry sky; the hair evolves into flames. acrylic on canvas
“Trust”
33 times I was imprisoned in a mask that was locked onto a radiation table to hopefully burn my cancer away. Terrified, I had to rely on Trust. Trust in science. Trust in my doctors. Trust in my ability to just breathe. Utilizing my Radiation Mask as a supportive structure, I suspended 33 pairs of Burgundy & Ivory ribbons (the colors for Head & Neck cancer) with 33 bells. (To celebrate the completion of cancer treatments, patients can ring a Victory Bell. My first impression was that’s silly. However, as days & weeks passed, & my physical health deteriorated, I couldn’t wait for my turn to ring the bell. For “Trust,” I chose bells which were hammered & burnt, replicating how I felt).
“Soul”
This painting is a cross in the form of a dove & a stylized self-portrait figure. The dove rises to a spiritual light from a darkness below. Hands represent the people in my life, past & future (my husband’s handprints are included). My waking thoughts were consumed my treatments & tortures, my hopes & sorrows, my life & spirituality. Ultimately, I survived; other friends have not. Where are their Souls now? Do I have a Soul?
“Love & Support”
The kindness of others was paramount to my mental health. Collaged into a heart shape are joyful images of the colorful cards, flowers, gifts, self-portrait pictures that friends drew for me, as well as photos of those people who sent their love & support to me. In contrast, the black & white background are pages of my daily journal which describe my experience with cancer treatments and recovery.
“Life & Death” - in progress
I struggled with my place on the timeline of life. Flowers are a wonderful symbol of love, & their beauty brings joy. But they also exemplify the life cycle; they blossom, wilt, & die. Unfortunately, wilting & dying were exactly how I felt. I hoped that my life wouldn’t follow this metaphor so quickly.
“Thank You”
Utilizing the cards that I received, I wanted to create a loving & joyful Thank You to celebrate the kindness of my friends & family. I cannot adequately express the significance of love & friendship. While my physical health deteriorated & depression permeated my thoughts, the love & support of friends & family held me up & gave me strength.
